My X-Valentine

Every year on Valentine's Day, I reflect back on all the people and places I've visited over the past year, and all the hapless foes whom I have unleashed my relentless ninja wrath upon. Invariably, on this holiday of togetherness, I feel only a distant sense of melancholy and regret. The ninja life is a good life, but its a lonely life.

Whenever Feb 14 rolls around, I inevitably think about the one woman I love most in the world, the one woman who, along with that whiney, jackass partner of hers that she's just soooo crazy about - WHATEVER - almost figured out my secret identity. I'm speaking, of course, of FBI Special Agent Dana Scully.

We had a brief but white-hot affair until we were forced by circumstances to part ways; her work took her to Washington D.C. and mine to the Hidden Shadow Temple of the Forbidden Scrolls, deep within the fiery, magical Demon Ninja Realm. We decided rather than go through the heartbreak of a long-distance relationship that we would be adult about things and agree to see other people. She got involved with that Fox guy; last I heard she was having some alien's baby. I, as you all know, got involved with a beautiful fire demon who is the half-blooded daughter of a mystical rune-casting Finnish noblewoman and a powerful Norse dragon.

Although my love for [name deleted at the request of the owner of the breasts] grows more powerful with every grope of her wonderful boobies, I still have a soft spot in my heart for my Dana. I can't bring myself to throw out all the pictures of us together. And so, on this day of love, I'm going to share our pictures with the world in the hope that the gesture may allow me to begin the healing process, and help me learn to let go.

Since I'm a ninja, you won't see me in these pictures. That's how you know I'm there.