Chris reviews Ghost Rider

I'll be honest; I wasn't expecting much. Nicolas Cage as a fiery motorcycle demon who wreaks vengeance upon the wicked? I'm not buying it. Then again, the movie couldn't possibly have been as bad as the trailer made it out to be. To tell you the truth, I really didn't know what to expect. So what's the real scoop? Click the pic to check out my review. And if you're good, maybe I'll even let you see Eva Mendes's nipples. You're welcome.

How Well Do You Know Me?

In order to capitalize on the absolute glut of do-it-yourself quizzes available nowadays, I decided to find out

How Well Do You Know Chris?

Just click the link, then head on back and tell me how you did.

UPDATE: You know what? DON'T take my quiz. ChatterBean is not a good quiz system, and my readers deserve better. You hear that, ChatterBean? YOU SUCK!!

Mophia Asks A Ninja

Mophia recently asked about me: "I don't suppose he's related to the Ninja of 'Ask A Ninja' fame?"

Well, first of all Mophia, thanks for your question, although I would really rather you had asked it here instead of there. All the love in the world to Mischievous Muse, but I can use all the traffic I can get, you know.

I mean, its not like I'm not trying my best, but there's only so many hours in a day, and between all the killing, and trying to maintain The Sci-Fi Guys as a television AND internet franchise, and then going home and trying to squeeze in ten damn minutes of peaceful sleep at night after sharpening all my ninja weapons in preparation for more killing the next day, I'm kind of pressed for time. I'm on the clock, dude, and I don't have all the time in the world to go searching every inch of cyberspace just to answer all the questions people aren't considerate enough to just ask me to my face. I mean, throw me a bone, man! I'm only a struggling freakin' ninja over here!

But to answer your question, no, I am NOT related to him. He and I were friends back in ninja grad school, but we had a bit of a falling out, I'm afraid. Its taken me a long time to forgive him for what he did, but now that I'm older and more mature, I realize that I did play a role in the incident, and its only right that I shoulder some of the blame. Once again I offer my most sincere apologies to the Spanish government and the citizens of that great nation, in particular the residents of Cando in Galicia. All I can say is that it was an accident, and if we'd known what would happen we would never have gone through with it. On behalf of him, myself, and all ninja everywhere, we're really sorry.

Thanks for the question, Mophia. I look forward to stealing someone else's ideas and using them to make myself look creative again soon!

My X-Valentine

Every year on Valentine's Day, I reflect back on all the people and places I've visited over the past year, and all the hapless foes whom I have unleashed my relentless ninja wrath upon. Invariably, on this holiday of togetherness, I feel only a distant sense of melancholy and regret. The ninja life is a good life, but its a lonely life.

Whenever Feb 14 rolls around, I inevitably think about the one woman I love most in the world, the one woman who, along with that whiney, jackass partner of hers that she's just soooo crazy about - WHATEVER - almost figured out my secret identity. I'm speaking, of course, of FBI Special Agent Dana Scully.

We had a brief but white-hot affair until we were forced by circumstances to part ways; her work took her to Washington D.C. and mine to the Hidden Shadow Temple of the Forbidden Scrolls, deep within the fiery, magical Demon Ninja Realm. We decided rather than go through the heartbreak of a long-distance relationship that we would be adult about things and agree to see other people. She got involved with that Fox guy; last I heard she was having some alien's baby. I, as you all know, got involved with a beautiful fire demon who is the half-blooded daughter of a mystical rune-casting Finnish noblewoman and a powerful Norse dragon.

Although my love for [name deleted at the request of the owner of the breasts] grows more powerful with every grope of her wonderful boobies, I still have a soft spot in my heart for my Dana. I can't bring myself to throw out all the pictures of us together. And so, on this day of love, I'm going to share our pictures with the world in the hope that the gesture may allow me to begin the healing process, and help me learn to let go.

Since I'm a ninja, you won't see me in these pictures. That's how you know I'm there.

Gettin' ninjiggy widdit.

What song have you been currently listening to that you're keeping on the downlow? I'm talking about omething you're really digging, but you wouldn't want your friends to catch you listening to it.

Mine is the live version of "Sad Songs (Say So Much)" by Elton John and Bryan Adams. It was recorded in 2000, and it totally rocks. Elton plays this great roadhouse piano and the tempo is much faster than the original recording. It reminds me a lot of "Let It Bleed" by my boys, The Rolling Stones. It's a great track, except when Elton sings, 'cause you can't understand a damn thing he says. But the band is phenomenal, and Bryan Adams sounds great (where has he been since that song for The Three Musketeers?).

Anyway, I am addicted to this song, and I've listened to it at least three times a day for the past two weeks. Fortunately, being a ninja is essentially the same as being a supernatural shadow wraith, only with a better fashion sense and cooler swords, so no one's gonna catch me listening to something that might damage my rep. As a matter of fact, since you read this, you're probably going to have to die. Nothing personal.

Okay, I showed you mine. Now you show me yours. And remember that you don't have long to live, so you might want to hurry up and post while you can.

“That’s right, woodchuck-chuckers, -- it’s Groundhog Day!”

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cold out there today. It's cold out there every day; what is this, Miami Beach? Not hardly! And you know you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing. The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!" Yes, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting. The big question on everybody's lips, their chapped lips: do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow? Punxsutawney Phil! That's right, woodchuck chuckers, it's Groundhog Day! And to celebrate Groundhog Day in the best way we possibly can, The Sci-Fi Guys give to you our SALUTE TO TIME LOOPS!

This Is A Test Of The Mail-To Blogging System

If you can read this, then I've set my blog up correctly, and I can just email updates to it. If you cannot, then I am wasting my time by typing all this.

 

THIS IS A TEST. WE REPEAT, THIS IS ONLY A TEST. HAD THIS BEEN AN ACTUAL POSTING, I WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH SOMETHING COOLER THAN THIS TO USE AS CONTENT. THIS CONCLUDES THIS TEST OF THE MAIL-TO BLOGGING SYSTEM. THANK YOU.