That rant on Starbucks was more than well said. I'm joining you in the war against them. So far I have no idea whether our country has one or not...But we are already spoiled with MacDonalds, Burger Kings, the list is endless....
For those of you no in the know, Anniina over at Mischievous Muse inexplicably longs for a festering Starbucks boil to erupt on the face of her hometown, Helsinki. Its like hoping and praying they install a McDonalds and a Wal-Mart in Lincoln's forehead on Mt. Rushmore. My response to her wish was this:
Anniina, please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy in the universe, tell me you would not poison your homeland with a Starbucks. Ugh. I know I'm on a hopeless one-ninja crusade against them, but that place is like a cold sore on the face of society. Sure the coffee's okay, but its just okay. Its not the orgasmic, cure for cancer, donkey ride to heaven, bluebird of happiness everyone gives it credit for. Any mom-and-pop coffee shop can give you the same coffee, and often better. Besides, every time they open a store, at least two independent, local mom-and-pop coffee shops go out of business, because everyone rushes over to Starbucks to wait in a longer line and pay twice as much FOR THE SAME DAMN COFFEE. Starbucks is like the Wal-Mart of coffee shops, except worse; unlike Wal-Mart, they don't offer their customers better values than their competition in the slightest. They don't even pretend to. AND they stole their name from Battlestar Galactica, and yet there is not a single tribute to that show anywhere in any Starbucks I've ever been in. I CRY FOUL! Starbucks must be stopped.
Well yes Chris, I've read those lines of yours at Anniina, but it was a pleasure to re-read them. I do not think the was is backed up by wrong thinking, as Anniina seems to suggest, but I do think we are less than handicapped. But, again, but, I do think ninjas have measures against epidemics like Starbucks. I imagine a Starbucks building being built in ... (name a country/city of your choice). It is half-way ready. Then a ninjy comes along and the building explodes. Boooom. The building starts again. The boom starts again. Until the envaders give up. I don't think we have any other methods.
Anniina, this is not a war against you, so please don't feel like I'm attacking you personally. Its not like that at all. I'm a HUGE supporter of local, community owned businesses, and I rail against anyone or anything that would disrupt such a thing. I believe unwaveringly in the evil of monopolies and those businesses which, willfully or otherwise, promote them and their destruction of small local businesses.
Besides, I'm an American, dear. Misguided wars are the only kind we have these days. ;-)
Szélső Fa, I appreciate your enthusiasm for my quest. But we ninja do not employ explosives on such a grand scale. Guy Fawkes did that, and we shun anything British for reasons I will not go into at this time. Suffice it to say that if we wanted to destroy a Starbucks, we would use our ninja demon magicks to destroy the very concept of Starbucks. The entire organization would collapse in confusion, and the ninjas would add yet another victory to our long list of successes. Alas, the ninja clan does not back me in this, so this unfortunately remains a strictly one-ninja mission. I am on my own, no sorcerers, no fire elementals, no nothing.
Oh yes, Anniina should not take it personally. It is a war for local and organic and seasonal and against corporate violators. I assume some explosives here and there would still do some good. Eradicating the very concept of Starbucks would take much more time and unfortunately, lives.
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6 comments:
That rant on Starbucks was more than well said.
I'm joining you in the war against them.
So far I have no idea whether our country has one or not...But we are already spoiled with MacDonalds, Burger Kings, the list is endless....
Thank you, dear.
For those of you no in the know, Anniina over at Mischievous Muse inexplicably longs for a festering Starbucks boil to erupt on the face of her hometown, Helsinki. Its like hoping and praying they install a McDonalds and a Wal-Mart in Lincoln's forehead on Mt. Rushmore. My response to her wish was this:
Anniina, please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy in the universe, tell me you would not poison your homeland with a Starbucks. Ugh. I know I'm on a hopeless one-ninja crusade against them, but that place is like a cold sore on the face of society. Sure the coffee's okay, but its just okay. Its not the orgasmic, cure for cancer, donkey ride to heaven, bluebird of happiness everyone gives it credit for. Any mom-and-pop coffee shop can give you the same coffee, and often better. Besides, every time they open a store, at least two independent, local mom-and-pop coffee shops go out of business, because everyone rushes over to Starbucks to wait in a longer line and pay twice as much FOR THE SAME DAMN COFFEE. Starbucks is like the Wal-Mart of coffee shops, except worse; unlike Wal-Mart, they don't offer their customers better values than their competition in the slightest. They don't even pretend to. AND they stole their name from Battlestar Galactica, and yet there is not a single tribute to that show anywhere in any Starbucks I've ever been in. I CRY FOUL! Starbucks must be stopped.
Click here to got to CBLDF and learn more about the enemy."
I will prepare a proper response, but I think this war is misguided.
Well yes Chris, I've read those lines of yours at Anniina, but it was a pleasure to re-read them.
I do not think the was is backed up by wrong thinking, as Anniina seems to suggest, but I do think we are less than handicapped.
But, again, but,
I do think ninjas have measures against epidemics like Starbucks. I imagine a Starbucks building being built in ... (name a country/city of your choice).
It is half-way ready.
Then a ninjy comes along and the building explodes.
Boooom.
The building starts again.
The boom starts again.
Until the envaders give up.
I don't think we have any other methods.
Anniina, this is not a war against you, so please don't feel like I'm attacking you personally. Its not like that at all. I'm a HUGE supporter of local, community owned businesses, and I rail against anyone or anything that would disrupt such a thing. I believe unwaveringly in the evil of monopolies and those businesses which, willfully or otherwise, promote them and their destruction of small local businesses.
Besides, I'm an American, dear. Misguided wars are the only kind we have these days. ;-)
Szélső Fa, I appreciate your enthusiasm for my quest. But we ninja do not employ explosives on such a grand scale. Guy Fawkes did that, and we shun anything British for reasons I will not go into at this time. Suffice it to say that if we wanted to destroy a Starbucks, we would use our ninja demon magicks to destroy the very concept of Starbucks. The entire organization would collapse in confusion, and the ninjas would add yet another victory to our long list of successes. Alas, the ninja clan does not back me in this, so this unfortunately remains a strictly one-ninja mission. I am on my own, no sorcerers, no fire elementals, no nothing.
Oh yes, Anniina should not take it personally.
It is a war for local and organic and seasonal and against corporate violators.
I assume some explosives here and there would still do some good. Eradicating the very concept of Starbucks would take much more time and unfortunately, lives.
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